Quality over Quantity (A letter to Caidon) 

Dear Caidon, 

I’m sorry. You will be 5 next month and I spent the first 4 years of your life getting it wrong! This is my promise to you & I may not always get it right (I’m not perfect), but I hope one day you will look back on our time as Mother and Son and smile. 

You were given to me on a June 8th, 2012 & you literally took my breath away. As a new mom I failed as most new moms do. I had postpartum depression, and was sad a lot when you were little. I was fixated on the littlest things that I now know don’t matter. I was always guilty for leaving you to go to school, and was constantly stressed when I was with you. It wasn’t easy and my anxiety caused from high expectations of myself took away from enjoying you to the fullest. I did enjoy you as a baby, but not as much as I could have. For that I am sorry. You will be 5 in one month, and I am happy to tell you that I QUIT! I quit letting my “perfection” take away from presence. 

Life is short and I promise to make the quality of our time together greater than the quantity. You see, I spent the first 4 years of your life spending the majority of our time together, but it wasn’t quality! I can spend 16 hours a day with you, but if I’m sad and stressed, you deserve better. So that’s a birthday promise to you from me. 

I promise to focus more on the quality of our time not quantity. I promise to laugh more, and laugh loudly! I promise to put my distractions away and make sure you know I’m listening to your crazy adventures! I promise to not stress about you making good grades, but focus more on you being a good person. I promise to read you stories. I promise to let your dad take me on dates so you can see how to treat your future bride. I promise to be brave so you can be courageous one day. I promise that I will do things I love so I can be a better mom to you. I promise to take you on the greatest adventures you have in mind! Above all, I promise to only look at the past happy I was fully present, and not wish I could back and do it differently. We are going to have one heck of a ride. Buckle up! 


Your Imperfect Mother 

3 Comments on “Quality over Quantity (A letter to Caidon) 

  1. Now THIS is the good stuff!! Love you my sweet niece! Even with all your perfect imperfections you’re the best!!!

    Liked by 1 person

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